theo christopher | birth story

on saturday december 7 we had a lazy day at home. we decorated the christmas tree we had gotten the night before from a parking lot tree sale. i cleaned the house and we chipped away at my long to-do list. we were just getting ready to go to menards so that brock could buy paint to work on finishing our basement ceiling. he had indy loaded up in the car and i thought i had better use the bathroom before we went. this was about 5:30pm. after i went to the bathroom, i noticed that i was having a lot of extra leaking. i didn’t think much of it because when i went into labor with indy, my water undeniably broke all over the floor. this was just more of a very small leak, though it still seemed like too much for me to just be peeing my pants. i asked brock if we could hold off on going to menards because i was starting to get a little concerned when the leaking didn’t stop. i had gone through several pairs of underwear at this point, and anytime i moved or made a big motion, more would leak out and it was completely uncontrollable. i text my friend erin who would hopefully be our l+d nurse, she said she thought i should absolutely go in. i was really weary and didn’t want to go in, and since i wasn’t experiencing any other labor symptoms at all (i actually was feeling better than i had felt in weeks.) we decided to go about our night while still preparing to possibly go in. we made indy dinner, gave her a bath. i cleaned the house, put in a load of laundry and took a shower. we called brock’s mom to have her on standby just incase i was in fact in labor. she would be taking indy for us while we were at the hospital, but his parents live an hour away and i didn’t want them driving up in the middle of the night if this wasn’t it. so we called my dad, who lives about a mile up the road and asked if he would come and sit with indy while she was sleeping so that we didn’t have to take her to the hospital. by this time it was about 9pm and i was still having very consistent leaking but nothing else. i was about 90% sure i was in labor but still didn’t have a “yes this is it” moment. we got our bags packed together and i rocked indy and put her to bed. in hindsight, i’m so grateful for this slow start to my labor because i was able to get everything in order, get ready, get the house ready and then put my baby down to sleep one last time knowing it was our last night just the two of us. even though i was beyond an emotional wreck, it was still a moment i’ll remember forever and i’m so glad we were able to have it. my dad came over, and brock and i headed to the hospital which is about 10 minutes from our home. it was about 10:30pm and after a stop at walgreens for gatorade, we pulled into the hospital parking lot and grabbed our bag. it was a much different experience than the first time when i was in so much pain i could barely think straight. we were both calm, and honestly it hadn’t really hit me that this was happening again. we went up to the maternity ward and got checked in. we sat in triage while they checked to see if i did in fact have amniotic fluid present. and i was only just starting to have a little bit of cramping and some slight bleeding. at 11:30pm i was 1cm dilated (whomp whomp) but admitted because my amniotic fluid was still slowly leaking. there was a slight concern that maybe erin wouldn’t be allowed to clock in and be our nurse, but after a few phone calls she got the okay and headed in to be with us! i’ll be forever thankful for my sweet friend delivering my babies.

once we got in the room, i was slightly laboring, erin hooked my up to pitocin to get things going quicker and we settled into our room. the pitocin really got my labor kicked into gear and i was having stronger and stronger contractions. i honestly have no clue at what times i was dilated to what degree, but around 3am after a couple o doses of fetinol, i was ready for an epidural. i was having intense back labor again (same as i did with indy.) and i was entering the point to where i was extremely uncomfortable and starting to get exhausted from no sleep. the anesthesiologist came in around 3am, got the epidural administered, but then had to readminister a second epidural when the first went into a capillary (i think?) instead of where it needed to be. the maternity floor was really quite that morning, so he hung around to make sure my epidural was working properly. which thank goodness he did, because after about 15 minutes, i was still having intense contractions and could feel everything. he came back in, and by that time i was in so much pain i have no concept of what time it was or how far i was dilated. i think i was somewhere around a 5 or 6. after my third attempt at an epidural it started to kick in. it was about 5 or 6 am, and we were messaging with our birth photographer who was going to head our way shortly. because the epidurals took such a long time, by the time the third one had kicked in and was working, i was progressing extremely quickly. it was starting to get light outside, there were a lot of people in and out of the room, and everything was moving fast. we barely did any laboring positions because i was dilating so quickly and was at a 7 moving to an 8. erin said we would be pushing very soon and i was starting to feel more nauseous and wanted things to slow down a little because i was having a hard time wrapping my mind around everything and taking it all in. our birth photographer arrived, it was light outside, and i was shaking so intensely my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. i started throwing up and then before i knew it, it was time to push. by that time, my epidural was so strong that i was feeling tingling sensations at my fingertips and i couldn’t sit up on my own. i could feel my skin numb all the way up to my chin and i was starting to get pretty freaked out about my lack of control over my body. everything was so numb and i was trying not to panic from feeling semi paralyzed. at one point while throwing up, erin let go of my back to chart something on her computer. brock didn’t have a very good hold on my upper body, and when that support was gone, i collapsed backwards into the bed because i had that little control of my abdomen.

it was about 8:20 or so and time to push. erin and brock were on either side of me along with another nurse. i was focusing all of my attention on trying to push right because i really had no idea what my body was doing. i got very emotional right before i started to push. i was so overwhelmed with bittersweet emotions because i was excited for him to be here, but i didn’t feel ready. i was sad that my baby girl wasn’t going to be any only child anymore and i was overall just in this really weird headspace of being excited and ready and not wanting him to be here already all at the same time. i’m not sure how to explain it but my emotions were all over the place and it hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. once we started pushing i remember thinking pushing was so much harder than i had remembered with indy. my first delivery, i felt in control, and like i was doing good job. this time i felt exhausted and like i had no idea what i was doing or what was going on. but like with indy, after just a couple of practice pushes, it was time to deliver. a whole crew of people came in. i didn’t notice how many people were in the room until we got our photos back, i’m not sure why but the room was packed. they got their tables and lights set up and it was time to push again. after only a couple of pushes and a few minutes, i looked down and saw our boy with a head of thick dark, dark hair. i remember feeling surprised because he was very purple. the cord was wrapped really tightly around his neck, and before i could push him all the way out, they needed to cut it to keep him safe. the doctor cut it quickly without saying much and i remember being shocked because since he was still mostly in my body and the cord hadn’t stopped pulsing, blood sprayed all over his sweet head and it was a little alarming seeing such bright red against his already very purple face. one or two more pushes and he was all the way out. immediately i was shocked at how huge he was! indy was so, so small, and this boy was chunky and large. it took a minute for them to get him to make some noise, and i remember everyone telling me how good i had done and being so shocked at how he looked nothing like indy as a newborn. 

theo’s delivery was so much different than indy’s in the way that i didn’t feel as present. with both, i labored through the night so i was going days without sleep. but for whatever reason, theo’s birth hit me harder and took more of a toll on my body. after delivery i started to feel really, really sick. i was still extremely shaky and i just remember feeling so tired and out of it. so much so that i had to have brock take theo because i didn’t even feel strong enough to hold him anymore. the after birth is the only part of my experience with theo that makes me sad because i didn’t get to bond with him as much as i had right after birth with indy. my levels were a little off and brock and erin were slightly concerned with my lack of communication, but after some rest and toast i felt 100% better.

after feeding theo for the first time, we had brock’s parents bring indy up to meet her baby brother! she had just woken up from a nap and was overall really apprehensive about the whole situation. she was curious about him but didn’t want to get very close, so we let her keep her distance and love on him from afar.

a big thanks to lindsay with sweet little you photography. she was able to photograph both indy and theo’s births and i will cherish these images for my whole life.

images and video by sweet little you